Book Review: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t do

In this digital age, almost every one of us is suffering in one way or another. The principal reason behind this suffering is our volatile nature, and our tendency towards emotional vulnerability. Technologically, we may have been advancing, but mentally, we have been regressing. Progress in one direction and regress in another is having a heavy toll on our mental health. This is why, every third person has a psychological disorder, as per reports. To address these issues, this book, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t do”,  is an antidote. This book helps in building up an invincible character that cannot be easily exposed to harmful things that have their effect on the mental being of an individual.

 

The author’s experience through hard times.

In this book, Amy Morin gives a brief account of herself: how she went through a tragic journey. As a therapist, she got great success professionally. Soon got married, and bought house. Life seemed a bed of roses to her until she got a call from her sister, informing about her mother’s critical condition. She rushed to the hospital along with her husband, only to hear her mother has been expired due to Brain aneurysm. Amy was so devastated at the sudden demise of her mother. Soon she started to heal. After 3^rd death anniversary of her mother, she was invited along with her husband to a basketball game by her close friends. Amy Morin had a great time with friends there in the same hall where she saw last time her mother. Shortly after reaching home, her husband collapsed due to a heart attack. At the age of 26, she found herself a widow. It was a very painful period for her. It was then she realized good habits are not enough when someone is going through tough times. It takes only one or two small bad habits to hold you back. Through that period, she held out hope that someday life could get better. And eventually, it did when she met Steve, fell in love with him, and later on married him. Again, she got a fresh start in her life. But that did not continue for long either, as Steve’s dad suffered from terminal cancer. She started to think, “Why do these always have to keep happening?” “Why do I have to keep losing all my loved ones?” “This is not fair”.  If she learned anything from all that was that way of thinking would hold her back. She knew she was going to need as much mental strength as she could muster to get through one more loss. Hence she sat down and wrote the list of all things that mentally strong people don’t do. All these were things only a reminder of small habits that would stuck Amy Morin. Her journey taught her that the secret to being mentally strong was that she had to give up her bad mental habits.  Following is the list of those 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do.

 

List of 13 things mentally strong people don’t do.

1.       They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.

2.       They don’t give away their power.

3.       They don’t shy away from change. 

4.      They don’t waste energies on things they cannot control. 

5.      They don’t worry about pleasing everyone.

6.      They don’t mind taking calculated risks.

7.      They don’t dwell on the past.

8.     They don’t make the same mistakes over and over.

9.     They don’t resent other people success. 

10.   They don’t give up after the first failure.

11.   They don’t fear alone time.

12.   They don’t feel the world owes them anything.

13.   They don’t expect immediate results. 

Three destructive beliefs that hold us back.

According to the author, Amy Morin, there are three types of destructive beliefs that make us less effective and sap our mental strength. The first one is certainly unhealthy beliefs about ourselves. We often tend to feel sorry for ourselves. Well, it is fine to be sad when something bad occurs. Self-pity goes beyond that. It is when you start to magnify your misfortune. This kind of thinking keeps you stuck, and resist you to find the solution. Even when you fail to find the solution, you can always take steps to make your life or somebody else’s life better. But you cannot do that when you are busy hosting your own pity party.

-Amy Morin 

Next, the other destructive belief is our unhealthy beliefs about others. We think other people can control us, thus giving away our power to them. If you say, “ I have to work late”. In doing so, you give away your power. It is possible that if you don’t work late, there may be severe consequences. But the truth is, it is still a choice. Or when you say, “My boss drives me crazy”. Basically, you are giving away your power. So it depends totally upon you how you respond to these matters.

-Amy Morin

The last belief that holds us back is unhealthy beliefs about the world. We tend to think the world owes us something- a sense of entitlement. When I say, “ I work really hard, therefore I deserve success”. Expecting success to fall into my lap will only lead me to disappointment.

Reviews of other books

 Book Review: Pakistan Under Siege: Extremism, Society, and the State by Madiha Afzal


Book Review: The New Silk roads: the present and future of the world by Peter Frankopan

Book Review: "The Battle for Pakistan – The Bitter US Friendship and a Tough Neighbourhood" by Shuja Nawaz 

Book Review: Pakistan a hard country by Anatol Lieven

Book Review: Pakistan a hard country by Anatol Lieven

The author seems to be detracting from the title of the book as he focuses more on the misfortunes and defections befalling the country’s feeble state structure. While portraying Pakistan as a weak state, he adheres to point that the country has surprisingly a strong society. This is why, he calls this phenomenon a “Janus-faced”. He strives to make a convincing case for the inner resilience of the state.

 

Following are some of the important points that need maximum attention. 

 

 

Weak State and Strong Societies

 

He presents various examples to make his point. He concludes that while state institutions are certainly fragile, and defunct in many cases, nevertheless the Pakistani society in its various forms has shown phenomenal resilience. Interestingly, both state weakness and society strength are basically two sides of the same coin and hence are deeply interconnected.

 

 

The power of Kinship

 

While tracing out the causes of  state institutions inability, he underscores that they are spineless primarily because the major actors in society have had no interest in a strong centralized state. Kinship is central to the weakness of the state. The Pakistani society still relies heavily on embedded traditional values that make no space for the formalization of rules in accordance with normally accepted concept of a modern democratic state. This “Kinship system” has become so powerful that it pervades almost all facets of peoples’ daily lives, most of the times overriding all the other elements around which Pakistani individual identity is generally believed to be premised. Religious, ethnic and political affiliations remain indubitably forceful mobilizing factors, but at the end of the day it is the kinship relationship of the individual that will eventually determine the most fundamental choices. If the kinship group is indeed the foundational unit within the Pakistani society, it logically follows that most of the country’s formal institutions must be deeply penetrated and influenced by it. Hence, it this clientelistic system that holds the texture of society together and helps prevent its sudden takeover by radical forces, while at the same time blocking the full development of social reform movements.

 

 

The privileged position of the military

 

Amidst the bleak landscape of Pakistani patronized-cum-inefficient institutions, Anatol Lieven is all praise for the military institution, calling it the stalwart of order, discipline and efficiency. The Military operation that the army launched during the Spring of 2009 in reaction to the daring push forward by the Swat Taliban Group that reportedly brought them within 70 miles of Islamabad, served as a stark reminder to the enemies of the state. And also to the skeptical international community that Pakistanis not yet ready to succumb to extremists.

 

 

 The Negotiated State

 

Anatol argues that every time new ruler whether Civilian or Dictator comes to the power promises to bring radical changes, altering the status-quo. But to their dismay, they all failed. Each time they find their regimes ingested by the same elite and religious group they promised to replace. Ironically, they involves in the same patronage politics which they despise and make a base for their election slogan. None of them is able to found a new mass party staffed by professional politicians, and ideologically-committed activists. Be it PPP, PML(N), General Zia or General Mushraf, everyone needs the support of the same local feudal lords, religious groups, and urban bosses, to remain in the corridors of power. This pattern has been haunting the country ever since independence.

 

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To bring the sweeping change, the country requires two things desperately, agues the author. Firstly, a strong Pakistani Nationalism akin to modern Turkish Nationalism is the hour of need- something that ethnically divided Pakistan does not have and cannot create. And secondly, a capacity of ruthlessness equal to that of Mustafa Kamal Ataturk and his followers in suppressing the ethnic, tribal and religious opposition.

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In Pakistan, much like in India, the vast majority of human rights abuses do not come from state strength, but from state weakness. Even when they are committed by state policemen, they are not on the orders from the government, but are the result of individual policeman or groups of police preying on the population as their ancestors did the same for centuries. The overwhelming majority of human rights abuses in the country, according to the writer, stem from a mixture of freelance brutality, and exploitation by policemen, working either for themselves or for local elites. Even the hardcore criminals can get concession from the law, and can go sot-free in many instances. The same also applies to the persons who land in mega scandals of corruption. Therefore, the author believes that, for the law, the judiciary, and the police, authority is a matter of constant negotiation. Resultantly, the process of democracy is the victim of this negotiated mindset embedded firmly in the society. As long as the Pakistani political system runs on patronage and kinship, to cut this mindset out would mean gutting the Pakistani society like a fish.

 

The State law

 

He points out that the state’s law is felt by many ordinary people not just to be rigged in favor of the rich, and hopelessly slow, corrupt and ineffiecient, but also to be alien- alien to local tradition, alien to Islam, the creation of alien Christian rulers, and conducted by the elites for their own benefit.

 

Reviews of other books

 Book Review: Pakistan Under Siege: Extremism, Society, and the State by Madiha Afzal


Book Review: The New Silk roads: the present and future of the world by Peter Frankopan

Book Review: "The Battle for Pakistan – The Bitter US Friendship and a Tough Neighbourhood" by Shuja Nawaz 

Book Review: The Gaze by Elif Shafak

Book Review: The Gaze by Elif Shafak

This novel is written by one of the finest writers of the world. Her other novels such as ‘The Forty Rules of Love’ based on the life of Shams of Tabraiz, and ‘The bastard of Istanbul’ based on the two Turkish and Armenian families have attained worldwide fame. The latter also became the source of bitterness between the author and the government of Turkey. For that reason, she had to face prosecution. This novel, ‘The Gaze’, is based on some unnoticed phenomena happening around our surroundings. Most of the time, we take those happenings for granted; nonetheless, they leave a very impactful mark on our lives. In this novel, Elif makes a point of how damage can be inflicted upon us by our simple desire of looking at others.

Basically, the theme of the novel is that our lives are based on seeing and being seen. And this world is simply a collection of spectacles. A simple desire to look at other things initiate a chain reaction, and subsequently, our life keeps on unfolding events after events, tragedy after tragedy, and so on.

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She narrates the story of an obese woman and her lover who happened to be Dwarf. Both are very allergic to being seen by others, primarily because of their body features. Together they become a sight to be beholden, and a source of amusement for others. Therefore, they decide to wander separately in order to escape the eyes of the people. For this reason too, they both sometimes disguise themselves in order to wander about the streets of Istanbul and not to be recognized by anyone else. The dwarf is busy writing, ‘The Dictionary of Gaze’, which consists of his observation of the outer world.

Also Read: Money heist and the curious case of xenocentrism in Pakistan.

In parallel, the author also describes the tale of cranky freak-show of the 1880s, occurring at the top hill in the cherry-colored tent. Of this show, two main characters are the source of amusement for the audience. One character is the ugliest of ugly, a sable-girl; and the other is the most beautiful of beautiful, La Belle Annabelle. However, both these characters are the result of the events that could easily be avoided in the past by a simple decision of not looking at some things. But at the moment, both are living characters.

To finish the novel in a style, the author adopts a crescendo tone, rewinding to those events from where these said characters- a sable-girl and La Belle Annabelle- were born.  And eventually concludes on the note that it is not necessary to see everything. It is better that some things remain well out of sight.

Reviews of other books

Book Review: Pakistan Under Siege: Extremism, Society, and the State by Madiha Afzal


Book Review: The New Silk roads: the present and future of the world by Peter Frankopan

Book Review: "The Battle for Pakistan – The Bitter US Friendship and a Tough Neighbourhood" by Shuja Nawaz

Book Review: Pakistan Under Siege: Extremism, Society, and the State by Madiha Afzal

Book Review: Pakistan Under Siege: Extremism, Society, and the State by Madiha Afzal

This book provides a comprehensive analysis of the Pakistani state in terms of extremism and fundamentalism. How much both are infused in People's minds and have become a part of the national psyche are at the heart of the discussion. How nexus of military and mullah has retarded the progress of society, every time helping and backing each other for their ends. And also how both have hijacked the ideology of Pakistan. She also argues: Anti-Ahmedi laws and blasphemy laws alike, have been used as a tool to coerce the minorities; and worst of all, state's condonation under such circumstances is the principal cause of prevailing mass and targeted killings and suicide bombings, as terrorists get justification under the cover of said laws. In this, the author is equally right in shifting all the blame particularly on ZAB and ZIA who were instrumental in framing regressive laws and allowing savages to rule the roost. So the present situation is, no wonder, largely the product of both gentlemen, maintains the author. 

Pakistan a Country of Radicals?  Not Quite!

Are ordinary Pakistanis radicalized? According to the most recent PEW research polls, Pakistanis overwhelmingly oppose what some in the West call “radical Islamic terror”- that is, violence against civilians to defend Islam from its enemies”. Defending Islam and fighting for it: this is how terror groups such as Al-Qaeda and the Taliban justify their violence against civilians.

Quoting Hafiz Saeed: “Islam propounds both Dawa [proselytizing] and Jihad. Both are equally important and inseparable. Since our life revolves around Islam, therefore both Dawa and Jihad are essential, we cannot prefer one over the other.”

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The Four Militant groups- Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP), Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT), Afghan Taliban (AT), and Al Qaeda- are distinct and function differently and separately in Pakistan. All these groups claim themselves to be genuine guardians of Islam, yet their ideologies diverge. They invoke Islam as a source of their legitimacy. Their targets of violence are correspondingly different. All in all, all these groups are different streams of the same river.

Following is the table of how these groups are viewed in Pakistan.

                                                                                                        

Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT) and India

According to the author, in the Pakistani perspective, a pro-Kashmiri stance goes hand-in-hand with an anti-India posture.  70 percent of respondents reported unfavorable views about India in the PEW survey, 2015. In Spring 2014, 75 percent saw India as a serious threat, while 62 percent said the same for the Taliban and 42 percent said that for AL-Qaeda. These stats increasingly manifest our attitude towards different terror groups. Madiha maintains that Militants thrive where their narratives find acceptance; in this context they also find fertile ground for recruitment. Citizens’ narratives also affect their government’s action against militant groups.  Therefore, she argues that such a muted response was a catalyst for the Government to engage in peace talks with the Taliban in 2013-14.

State Narratives on Terror: The Blame Game

The writer says that sometimes the state’s explanations for terror usually vaguely allude to a “hidden hand” that wants to destabilize Pakistan, to derail whatever virtuous venture Pakistan is involved in at the time. For instance, any terror attack in present times is linked with sabotaging the CPEC.  The political leaders are also involved in this blame game. At the height of the TTP insurgency and of the US drone strikes in 2012-13, Islamists as well as conservative politicians like Imran Khan were obsessively focused on drones. Khan’s stance that drone strikes were the root cause of, militancy in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa and Federally Administered tribal Areas, echoes the narrative of Militant Groups.

The Pakistani State Narrative

The Pakistani narrative, simply put, is that Pakistan is an Islamic state facing an existential threat from India. The other trends that define it  are: its military-civilian tensions and ultimate dominance of the militancy, its concession of space to Islamist parties, and its defensive view of itself related to the West- all follow from its two main narrative pillars, Islam and the Indian threat.

The Army’s purpose is a nationalist one, but its religious outlook and signs used in the military set-up and equipments, respectively, add a jingoistic element in the institution.  Its evocation of religion can be seen from its motto which says, “Iman, Taqwa, Jihad-Fi-Sabillulah” ( Faith, Unity, Holy war).

Also Read: Can the Creation of Pakistan Be Justified On the Religious Grounds?

Further, she makes a point that even leaders averse to Islamic fundamentalism eventually had to embrace religion card for their motives. Ayub khan, having secular credentials, referred to religion as the “only federation for national unity” and called Pakistan a “Fortress of Islam” Bhutto defined his governing philosophy as “Islam is our faith. Democracy is our polity. Socialism is our economy”

Characterizing the Pakistani establishment’s philosophy, she quotes Stephen Cohen as saying: “ Islamic Nationalism of Pakistan stems from nationalist and foreign policy motives- that is, anti-India, distrustful of the USA, anti-Israel, and solidarity with Muslim countries”.

Pakistan’s legal Islamization.

The writer asserts that the roots of Pakistan’s legal Islamization is traced to Objective Resolution, 1949.  Islam was mentioned in three clauses of Objective resolution, which dealt with Divine Sovereignty; the importance of the democratic, social, and ethical principles of Islam; and enabling Muslims to live their lives according to Islam. According to her, the clauses which are impeding the progressive laws in the country are enabling and repugnancy clauses of Objective Resolution document. In this way, these clauses had been an integral part of the past constitutions of the country.

Discussing changes in blasphemy laws during Zia’s period, she points out that there has been a dramatic increase in accusations of blasphemy. Before 1986, merely 14 cases were reported. However, during the time period spanning from 1986 to 2010, an estimated 1274 blasphemy cases were reported. Basically, she argues that under blasphemy laws people get cover of religion to accuse and sometimes kill their opponents.  

An Ideological Education

Zia started the campaign of Islamized state through infusing Islamist flavor in textbooks. In this campaign, he got the support of Jamaat-e-Islami  to foster “Pakistan ideology” mainly based on religious grounds. Madiha claims that the books published by private publishers are poorly and prejudicially written relative to those produced by the textbook boards. Even the most recent textbooks do not have an open discussion on terrorism and extremism in Pakistan.  These subjects are of great concern and ironically remain absent in the textbooks.

Also Read: Are the poor more affected by coronavirus than the rich?

More fundamentally, according to the author,  the mainstream Pakistani education system does not enable or educate in such a way as they can counter extremist views. Hence, they are vulnerable to radical interpretations. Students do not contradict what is being learned in schools, nor do they question it. They do not have the tools to do so. That they hold some of the views is not the fault of the students, rather it rests with what the state teaches them. It is the raison d’etre why the country has seen a spark in terrorist activities even by most educated individuals. Take here the example of Saad Aziz, a graduate of IBA, who killed Sabeen Mahmud, a liberal activist, in 2015, and was also implicated in a charge of Safoora Goth Bus tragedy that saw a massacre of minority Islamic community. She further blames Madrassa-educated Islamiat teachers for spreading hatred, as they happen to be biased in nature against particular religions or even sects. She interviewed the students and collected data about their attitudes about extremism. Such responses can be classified into four sets.

1. One set argued the causes of terrorism were economic; that terrorism stems from poverty, unemployment, lack of education, and inequality.

2. Another set of responses blamed Pakistan's own government, politicians, the police, and their corruption.

3. The third explanation blamed “ foreign influences”- the USA and India- for the attacks, whether as a conspiracy theory or arguing that terrorism is a response to the USA’s actions including Drone attacks.


4. The final explanation argued that the country is currently on the wrong Islamic path. Therefore, the groups that unleash terror merely want to implement true Islam in Pakistan.

Other Reviews of books

Book Review: The New Silk roads: the present and future of the world by Peter Frankopan

Book Review: "The Battle for Pakistan – The Bitter US Friendship and a Tough Neighbourhood" by Shuja Nawaz

Book Review: The New Silk roads: the present and future of the world by Peter Frankopan

The New Silk roads: the present and future of the world

“All Roads used to lead to Rome, today they lead to Beijing”, notes the author. he is of the opinion that the world’s past has been shaped by what happens along the Silk Roads. Therefore, he makes a point that the rise of the Silk Roads means the center of world power slips from the West to the East.

Also Read: Book Review: The Battle for Pakistan by Shuja Nawaz

The book reminds us that we all live in an increasingly inter-connected world, despite this being the age of Trump and Brexit. Although disengagement and isolation may be the leading scenarios in the Western world, it is the cementing of the ties, and mutual cooperation and coordination among the Silk Road countries which is the dominant trend, and it is highly likely to continue.

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He outlines that over the past couple of decades, China’s economy has been growing at a breakneck pace. As recently as 2001, China’s Gross Domestic Product was astonishingly 39 percent; three times that of the USA. By 2016, it was 114 percent and soaring rapidly. While in 2017, it seems to have slightly cooled down. Nonetheless, amid this, Starbucks -an American corporation- announced it would open as many as 2000 shops in China by the year 2021, thereby boosting economic activities. In this way, it is expected China will bounce back to progressive growth.

In this book, he has mentioned China’s debt-trap diplomacy. He writes: according to some critics, China buys political influence and goodwill through the Belt and Road Initiative (BRI). Through this, it increases the debt level of client states, thereby turning them into highly indebted countries. This very much helps in gaining political mileage to China.

A significant point that the author adds is that countries like in Latin America, Africa, South Asia, and Central Asia, these Chinese offerings trump those of the USA these days.  As he recalls words of Cambodian Prime minister, Hun Sen, “Other countries have lots of ideas, but no money. But for China, when it comes to an idea, it also comes with the money.”

He is quite optimistic about the emergence of the Gwadar port. He believes it has the potential of becoming a major gateway, and one day it can become the “New Shanghai”. Along with this, he is quite sanguine about the emergence of Asia; however, in the same breath, he expresses some reservations. Quoting his standpoint in a line, “ A new world is emerging in Asia, and it is not a free one.” He warns ominously here, as he is largely concerned for political plurality and human rights in this world order, supposedly led by China.

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A number of countries in the region are characterized by extractive and non-inclusive political and economic institutions. He propounds the argument of the book, “why Nations fail”, adding that countries with non-inclusive and extractive institutions can grow for a while, but this growth is not sustainable. Sooner or later, the growth will be blocked at any stage. As was the case with the Soviet Union that grew tremendously from the late 1920s to the early 1960s, soon it ran out of steam, resulting in initial slowdown and then total collapse. China’s economic institutions are more inclusive compared to the Soviet Union. However, authors in “why nations fail” question the sustainability of breathtaking Chinese economic growth in the presence of its non-inclusive and extractive political institutions.

Put simply, the author of this book is all praise for China but with some reservations. He believes new silk roads are going to soon revolutionize the world order, with China calling all the shots.  

Book Review: "The Battle for Pakistan – The Bitter US Friendship and a Tough Neighbourhood" by Shuja Nawaz

Book Review: "The Battle for Pakistan – The Bitter US Friendship and a Tough Neighbourhood" by Shuja Nawaz

The author, Shuja Nawaz, is a Washington-based analyst, and has also written several books. Among those books, “Crossed swords” holds special significance.

In this book- The Battle for Pakistan- the author has revealed some astonishing facts, infuriating some sections of the country. It was a chief reason why its launch was blocked in the country by the authorities. On the other hand, it has drawn worldwide attention, as he has touched upon sensitive issues.

Shuja calls the U.S-Pakistan relationship abusive in nature. Both countries are locked in confrontation without breaking a new way. Nonetheless, he argues that Pakistan can play a significant security and development part in South Asia along with USA partnership, while maintaining good relations with its immediate neighbors, specifically China. He argues that USA cannot simply ignore Pakistan’s apprehensions and reservations about India, urging USA policymakers not to dismiss Islamabad’s India-centric approach as mere paranoia.

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He ends by looking at the future of US-Pakistan relations: “History has taught us that crises will continue to erupt in the Arc of Instability that extends from Turkey to Indonesia. Who knows when the U.S. may need Pakistan on its side again?”

He also discusses China-Pak relations in detail. There is a growing perception of a boss-client relationship, which he asserts as untrue, therefore he underscores the need for both countries to dispel the impression that most of China’s investments in Pakistan are loans. Shuja gives a piece of advice to Islamabad that it must not present China as an alternative to the USA and the West, and reshape its regional and global alliances in accordance with such relationship needs.

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He also throws light on the Mumbai attacks of 2008. He remains overly careful in analyzing attacks. Without blaming any side, he quotes ISI then Chief Ahmed Pasha as saying, “these were our guys but not our operation”

The book also surfaces a startling revelation about covert coup de’tat, planned by then DG ISI, Zaheer-ul-Islam, in 2014. However, such operations need support from the top hierarchy, but he could not get such. Hence, such efforts failed.

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In the last, the book also advises Islamabad to understand that in the long run, only economic development, and social and political progress will strengthen its security. It means that Pakistan has to stop being a security state. It must pay attention to other avenues in order to build a relationship of trust with India, such as trade, and culture.